by Amy Castoro Wealth can complicate relationships and magnify levels of trust positively or negatively. A patriarch had a history of going back on his word. He had a history of not making it to his children’s games and performances as well as not being home when he said he would. He was running a large enterprise, with six VPs reporting to him. His children loved him but believed the business and money came first, which did not help their self-esteem. He felt he was building

Joel Kimmel and I were honored to participate in a webinar hosted by The Carter Center on "Preparing Your Heirs". Click this link to take a listen. If your team or your clients are asking "Will the wealth unify or divide my family?", we can help. Please contact us to learn more. https://legacycircle.cartercenter.org/legacy-webinars #wealthtransfer #heirs #succession #legacyplanning #familybusiness #familyoffice #trustsandestates #familygovernance #willsandtrusts #uhnw #hnw #

What is the difference between successful and unsuccessful transition planning? Successful transitions mean the family remains intact and in control of their assets. Successful transitions include: 1. Total family involvement (including spouses and children over the age of 16) 2. A process that integrates what the family members learn so they can co-design their future together 3. A structure that supports learning skills for trust and communication, accountability, openness,

Take this quiz. If you score less than 4 “yes” answers, a successful transfer of wealth is unlikely. Contact us to discuss your results or any questions this may have provoked. 1. Does your family have a mission statement to define the purpose of your wealth? 2. Does the entire family participate in important decisions such as defining a mission for your wealth? 3. Do all heirs have the option of participating in the management of the family assets? 4. Do heirs understand the

A successful business owner was becoming forgetful, but he wouldn’t admit it. He was making uncharacteristic decisions and becoming paranoid. Family conversations were contentious, and conflicting approaches were emerging. His wife knew little about their financials or how he wanted the estate to impact the family. Ultimately the wife had to figure out how to “keep the peace” while unprepared for her children's reactions. They did not trust her decisions because of her self-p

A patriarch wanted to leave his wealth to his three daughters; however, he wanted to be hands-off and did not care how they utilized the wealth. All he wanted was for his daughters to be “able to manage their portfolio.” This was a shock to the family since dad controlled the wealth, and no one ever dared to ask about it. His daughters were overwhelmed and paralyzed by the responsibility of managing the family wealth. In a family meeting, we asked the father to share his idea

Talking to the kids about the family money is often a conversation that gets “kicked down the road” until it is too late. Left unaddressed, these “pending conversations” result in increasing dissonance in family relationships. Get the conversations started with your next generation by exploring possibilities as a way to hear their perspective and generate ideas you may not have considered. Questions like “What do you see is the purpose of our family wealth and how could it po

By Joel Kimmel, Senior Lead Family Consultant Through my work with The Williams Group for over 20 years, I found the biggest difference in building family trust is often the little questions. A son took over the family business and committed to supporting his sister and his father’s dream of growing the business. We were brought in to establish a unified vision that would allow the siblings to experience success. We noticed the sister was getting increasingly frustrated as he

Speaking honestly about draft picks for the NFL is one thing. Speaking honestly about inheritance is another thing entirely. Family communication styles are developed over time and passed down through generations. One pattern we see frequently is cordial hypocrisy. This is characterized by ugly thoughts behind the well-rehearsed warm smile. Most people can sense this dichotomy but have only unfulfilling practices to cope with it. Unspoken expectations or fear of judgment squa

Great article by Betsy Morris for The Wall Street Journal. In a family business, knowing when to step aside rather than down makes the difference between a successful transition and one that fails. Power and control are often at the center of generational tension. We suggest "letting them under the tent flap," as Steinbrenner used to say as soon as possible to give them runway to learn how you think. A next-gen family member came to us when their father said he was finally re

Alignment vs. agreement. Merging expectations inherent in generational wealth can be tricky if an agreement is the only option. Conflict often happens when family members argue for agreement and one person has to capitulate or “lose” resulting in hurt feelings and/or resentment. Instead, we suggest having conversations to reach alignment. In other words, search for a common goal, and accept there may be more than one way to get there. In a recent family meeting, a son and dau

Amy Castoro is quoted in this article from the Institute for Preparing Heirs on how important it is for advisors to refer families to skilled meeting facilitators or family coaches when unresolved issues among family members threaten to derail the family’s ability to move forward as a cohesive family unit, putting a successful wealth transfer at risk. #wealthtransfer #succession #heirs #trustsandestates #estateplanning #legacyplanning #uhnw #hnw #familybusiness #familyoffice

The complex conversations needed to prepare heirs for wealth transition are often stalled because family members are afraid of being judged or having their opinions interpreted critically. But delaying those conversations can lead to divisiveness, solidified opposing positions and increased friction in relationships. We suggest trying a new perspective: "Be curious, not critical." Ask more questions from a place of curiosity to understand the other person's intentions. Ask op

Inherent in transitioning wealth is the need to navigate challenging conversations. A mantra we use is "The right conversation at the wrong time is the wrong conversation." Pay attention to your mood about the conversation and the situation it happens in to increase the likelihood of the conversation going well. Consider inviting the person to the conversation by saying something like, "I'd like to have a conversation about aligning our expectations regarding wealth transitio

Relationships are tricky enough without adding the responsibility of great wealth to the mix. One of our coaches likes to say, “You can be right, or you can be in a relationship.” In other words, taking time to understand another’s perspective does not mean you agree. It simply shows them you care enough to hear what they’re saying. And it allows you to make sure you understand their meaning, not just hear their words. In these divisive times, we encourage our family members

The year 2020 has been the year of relationships. The sudden anxiety and uncertainty of the pandemic had us all pivot to the well-being and safety of those around us. Families found time to reconnect with each other and to have Zoom chats with friends they hadn’t seen in a while to check in. The collective recognition of the fragility of life made more urgent the need to have meaningful conversations. We told people how much we care and what they mean to us. The families we w