Recently, I attended a presentation by Neil Pasricha, a New York Times best-selling author on happiness. He said the idea that we work hard, are successful and then we will be happy is backward. Rather, he recommends that we find what we love, that will cause us to want to work hard, and then we will be successful. Affluent families are often afraid to talk about the transition of wealth for fear of derailing their kids’ motivation. Rather than talk about the numbers, we reco

The Roman philosopher Seneca is credited with saying, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” In other words, luck favors the prepared. Many family leaders believe a strong estate plan will prepare their next generation and, in essence, do the talking for them. Yet the generational wealth that changes the world comes from prepared heirs, not from great estate plans. Confusing those two domains can cause mischief in family unity. Give your kids the gift of p

The holidays are here and so are those polarizing dinner table topics such as vaccines, politics, and parenting. Here are 5 hot tips to help you through the holiday season: 1. Be curious, not critical 2. Choose your relationship over being right 3. Ask more questions for understanding instead of convincing 4. Listen without reloading your next comment 5. Take a belly breath and let your shoulders drop Wishing everyone a holiday season blessed with grace, goodwi

A next-generation family member said to me “I find it hard to get together with my family to talk about anything meaningful. We end up making the same old comments to each other, usually with some kind of hurtful banter thrown in. There are definitely two camps, mom’s camp, and dad’s camp - and their opinions never seem to change.” He wanted to know how the family could have a reasonable conversation without reverting to old patterns with each other. In another example, a fam

Joel Kimmel and I were honored to participate in a webinar hosted by The Carter Center on "Preparing Your Heirs". Click this link to take a listen. If your team or your clients are asking "Will the wealth unify or divide my family?", we can help. Please contact us to learn more. https://legacycircle.cartercenter.org/legacy-webinars #wealthtransfer #heirs #succession #legacyplanning #familybusiness #familyoffice #trustsandestates #familygovernance #willsandtrusts #uhnw #hnw #

A successful business owner was becoming forgetful, but he wouldn’t admit it. He was making uncharacteristic decisions and becoming paranoid. Family conversations were contentious, and conflicting approaches were emerging. His wife knew little about their financials or how he wanted the estate to impact the family. Ultimately the wife had to figure out how to “keep the peace” while unprepared for her children's reactions. They did not trust her decisions because of her self-p

A patriarch wanted to leave his wealth to his three daughters; however, he wanted to be hands-off and did not care how they utilized the wealth. All he wanted was for his daughters to be “able to manage their portfolio.” This was a shock to the family since dad controlled the wealth, and no one ever dared to ask about it. His daughters were overwhelmed and paralyzed by the responsibility of managing the family wealth. In a family meeting, we asked the father to share his idea

Talking to the kids about the family money is often a conversation that gets “kicked down the road” until it is too late. Left unaddressed, these “pending conversations” result in increasing dissonance in family relationships. Get the conversations started with your next generation by exploring possibilities as a way to hear their perspective and generate ideas you may not have considered. Questions like “What do you see is the purpose of our family wealth and how could it po

By Joel Kimmel, Senior Lead Family Consultant Through my work with The Williams Group for over 20 years, I found the biggest difference in building family trust is often the little questions. A son took over the family business and committed to supporting his sister and his father’s dream of growing the business. We were brought in to establish a unified vision that would allow the siblings to experience success. We noticed the sister was getting increasingly frustrated as he

Great article by Betsy Morris for The Wall Street Journal. In a family business, knowing when to step aside rather than down makes the difference between a successful transition and one that fails. Power and control are often at the center of generational tension. We suggest "letting them under the tent flap," as Steinbrenner used to say as soon as possible to give them runway to learn how you think. A next-gen family member came to us when their father said he was finally re

Alignment vs. agreement. Merging expectations inherent in generational wealth can be tricky if an agreement is the only option. Conflict often happens when family members argue for agreement and one person has to capitulate or “lose” resulting in hurt feelings and/or resentment. Instead, we suggest having conversations to reach alignment. In other words, search for a common goal, and accept there may be more than one way to get there. In a recent family meeting, a son and dau

Amy Castoro is quoted in this article from the Institute for Preparing Heirs on how important it is for advisors to refer families to skilled meeting facilitators or family coaches when unresolved issues among family members threaten to derail the family’s ability to move forward as a cohesive family unit, putting a successful wealth transfer at risk. #wealthtransfer #succession #heirs #trustsandestates #estateplanning #legacyplanning #uhnw #hnw #familybusiness #familyoffice

The complex conversations needed to prepare heirs for wealth transition are often stalled because family members are afraid of being judged or having their opinions interpreted critically. But delaying those conversations can lead to divisiveness, solidified opposing positions and increased friction in relationships. We suggest trying a new perspective: "Be curious, not critical." Ask more questions from a place of curiosity to understand the other person's intentions. Ask op

Inherent in transitioning wealth is the need to navigate challenging conversations. A mantra we use is "The right conversation at the wrong time is the wrong conversation." Pay attention to your mood about the conversation and the situation it happens in to increase the likelihood of the conversation going well. Consider inviting the person to the conversation by saying something like, "I'd like to have a conversation about aligning our expectations regarding wealth transitio

Relationships are tricky enough without adding the responsibility of great wealth to the mix. One of our coaches likes to say, “You can be right, or you can be in a relationship.” In other words, taking time to understand another’s perspective does not mean you agree. It simply shows them you care enough to hear what they’re saying. And it allows you to make sure you understand their meaning, not just hear their words. In these divisive times, we encourage our family members

The year 2020 has been the year of relationships. The sudden anxiety and uncertainty of the pandemic had us all pivot to the well-being and safety of those around us. Families found time to reconnect with each other and to have Zoom chats with friends they hadn’t seen in a while to check in. The collective recognition of the fragility of life made more urgent the need to have meaningful conversations. We told people how much we care and what they mean to us. The families we w

Check out The New York Times article by Paul Sullivan. In these uncertain times, stressed-out feelings also magnify family discord. Behavioral finance biases are fundamentally assessments or opinions that open or close possibilities. In our work with #UHNW families, a fundamental driver of family discord stems from the belief that individual assessments are true, no matter what. Left unaddressed deeply rooted assessments increase dissonance in relationships driving families a

Good article from The Wall Street Journal by Chip Cutter - A common theme I read among the CEOs is that we must accept things will not go back to the way they were. For the #nextgeneration of #familybusiness leaders, this is an opportunity for innovative solutions that support inclusive leadership, global collaboration, and redefine the adage that facetime = productivity. #wealthtransfer #familybusinesses #successionplanning #uhnw #hnw #heirs #financialadvisors #legacyplannin